Legal Representative Screening

Dear Legal Representative of the Getchell Family,

I am the creator of getchellfamilystore.org.

I’m sure you have a great many questions, and I undoubtedly have at least some of the answers you’re looking for. If you’ve taken the time to make your way through the faux cease-and-desist pre-fill form and the phony takedown request just to arrive at this page, I can only assume you very much want those answers, or are at least collecting as much evidence as you possibly can.

I assure you both answers and evidence lie beyond this page.

Unfortunately, I have no way of knowing whether you are, in fact, authorized legal counsel for the Getchell family. Virtually any stranger on the internet could have found their way here. So, before I show you even an ounce of vulnerability, I’m going to need you to prove that you are who you claim to be.

If we can make it there together, I promise you will have not only my vulnerability, but also the truth, which is, after all, what the law ostensibly seeks to uncover and protect.

You are about to receive a five-question exam. If you are a seasoned and competent attorney, it should be relatively simple. It may prove difficult for the average layperson, but an attorney of your presumed experience should be able to complete it in under four minutes.

You’ll notice that a timer has appeared on the right-hand side of your screen.

If you are unable to complete the exam within the allotted time, then unfortunately I will have no reliable way to distinguish you from any other asshole on the internet. You will therefore be promptly rerouted to the homepage, where you may enjoy all of the meme bullshit at your leisure.